Ecstasy
by Awicca
Summary: One shot. Naomi is a drug addict and Emily is trying to understand her.


"My love" she said to me " come down by the hills so that we can make love."

I was oblivious of her desire, I had my cage and never seemed like a good opportunity which I could take instead of trying to understand the intricate inner being of Naomi. Could I think of something else other than her limbs scattered on the floor that night after the accident?

Was I supposed to understand how all this works when you lose the ones you love? So stereotypical of me to say these words, these healing words in fact, because typical and dull humanity was becoming my favorite stage to act on.

Naomi was losing it. I could see that, day by day, crawling towards something which would give her pure ecstasy in her misconception. Drugs. I will hate them for the rest of my life, even if I would become a paria in my new acknowledged social masterpiece, the same which brought Naomi her final wishes.

"Soon you will be ready too, my love. This joy I feel, this both human and savage feelings inside of me are worth dying for."

"That is only a mere fraction of the risk you are taking. It's excruciating, Naomi, seeing you like this, abandoning yourself to this style of life and thinking." I was wrong. She enjoyed it, she loved every minute of the pressure she was giving me, as much as she loved fucking me.

_"Why are you looking like that at me?"_

_"Like what?" I asked surprised. I was not doing anything, or maybe I was, unconsciously, trying to fuck her with my eyes (if this was even possible). _

_In a second, my lips were on hers and I felt her shiver and soft arms wrapped around my neck. She was high again and I could only hope that she could still be herself enough in order to feel that she wanted me without the drugs. I feared that when she is sober she will despise me and hate me for kissing, touching and giving her the desire to fuck me. _

_Naomi dug her nails in my back and I felt my shirt go over my head and she pulled me closer, over the edge of the bed. There I was, again, in her bed, waiting to touch those exquisite thighs of her and wishing that she felt something more than drugs flowing through her body when she fingered me. _

_My legs parted so that I could stand upon her body and all my hair fell on her breasts and Naomi did nothing but squeeze with one hot hand my sex. I squeaked like some sort of small savage animal as she had never done that to me before. _

_"Remember one thing, my love... I would fuck you with or without the drugs. You're so much better than them"_

_"Then why can't you just give up on them?" I asked hopefully between gasps. _

_She didn't answer and she continued fucking me like every time she did when I felt I could go blind if I opened my eyes to watch all that we both became in those moments. _

_Her lips were curving on my nipples and suddenly all went blank when I felt that ecstasy. _

_"Because they make me fuck you so much better, babes. It's all about you in the end" she whispered before laying her head on the pillow. _

One day I found her staring at the quote hanging on a silly piece of paper on my wall. I always kept quotes like that around me because they had one specific purpose when I was mad or I just wanted to take my mind off of things.

"It's killing me, the truth of these words" she said finally.

I was puzzled because I could not understand why she would feel something like that about that quote.

_Some couples always say the word we. I hate it. We think, we may, we might, but we feel, that's the big one. Feeling is a solitary emotion. You may feel like you're falling in love, and I might feel like I'm being caged_.

The quote was one that I remembered from The L Word, one show that I just love to watch, being the big lesbian everybody knew I was.

"Why?" I asked with lust in my look. I was standing very close to her, as usual, and Naomi had her eyes stolen, her pupils were fading somewhere in between. It was so strange for me to look at her like that, see how much harm she was doing to herself. I mean, I knew better than anyone how you can harm yourself. I have been a cutter for two years when I first met her. She was the one who made me fight the habit and ever since I had not felt that need again.

"Because, deep inside, I know that you can't possibly love me as much as I love you. You could hate me, that yes, it may be, but love me, I don't think so." She surprised me.

I felt sick and powerless. I didn't know what to do, what to say and I started crying. She let me cry, Naomi always did that and I appreciated the fact that she did not put pressure on me. Things were always smooth with us. I felt her hand cupping my cheek and their heat followed her hand and everything went blurry when we started kissing.

She offered herself without even asking something in return and that was how I knew she loved me so much that she could say it with all her being, it came out through her pores, through her eyes and through her all.

"I love you, Naomi. You know I do." I cried between small hiccups. "Please believe me when I say it."

She caressed me and for one time in our lives it seemed that what we did was pure and not intoxicated by that atrocious attraction which we both possessed for each other.

"I love you too."


End file.
